and here we are. i guess i don't have much to say about these songs yet other than that they are love songs, hate songs, general feelings about life songs. i find myself writing more often these days, so i will share them as they come.
"in the flesh" - 1/08/09
get undressed
it's what i'm really here for
i want to see you in the flesh
i want to see more
than the pretty dress
you wear so well
i want to touch your body
i want to taste your smell
talk philisophy
talk politics
talk literature
talk about your best friend's wedding
but then talk dirty to me
undress me
it's what you're really here for
you want to see me in the flesh
you want to see more
than the silly shirt
i don't wear so well
you want to touch my body
you want to taste my smell
"phrases" - 1/26/09
staying awake just to feel the pain
stay in pain just to feel awake
what do i care if you're not in my life?
immerse yourself in an alternate
reality that just makes sense
what do i care if you're not in my life?
what do i care if you're not in my life?
the transfer
of energy
from one being
to another
barcodes misrepresent
the products that we've become
what do i care if you're not in my life?
it's hard to believe anybody cares
when i don't even care myself
what do i care if you're not in my life?
what do i care if you're not in my life?
when i'm alone
i wish i'd have a crowd
when i'm in a crowd
i wish i'd be alone
never satisfied
"i am you" - 3/22/09
he wakes to the sound of his heart beating rapidly,
the byproduct of unwanted dreams
the start of another day filled with confusion,
not knowing what anything means
and this life, she made for him
he looks into his eyes in the mirror and mutters these words
to remind himself she doesn't have control
i am you
she wakes to the sound of her children's yearning
for their minimal daily affection
she now has all the time she needs to act upon shelfishness
necessary for leisure and fun
and this life, she made for herself
she looks into her eyes in the mirror and mutters these words
to remind herself she now has control
i am you
"take me out" - 4/11/09
take me out, she said
make me feel like the woman
i deserve to feel like
for all the months of hard work
and sacrifices i have made
all the love that i gave you
when you were beaten down
by the wife who loves you not
take me out
give me something to believe in
make me feel like this is real
not just the work of sinful heathens
we'll kneel down and pray to gods
that we don't really believe in
cause it makes us feel much better
take me out, she said
make me feel like i am more to you
than just a one night stand
than just a ragdoll of convenience
he looked at her a smiled coldly
said "baby, you're just my backup plan
that's all you'll ever be
and that's good enough for me"
i won't take you out
this is nothing to believe in
this isn't love, this isn't real
it's just the work of sinful heathens
i'll kneel down and pray to gods
that i don't really believe in
cause it helps me sleep much better
"light another" - 4/13/09
morning tremors in my heart
not a good way to start the day
light another cigarette
take a deep breath
pray for calm
i don't miss you anymore
i lie to myself and keep moving on
light another cigarette
take a deep breath
pray for death
scream out the pain
wring out my brain
scream out my brain
wring out the pain
"sleeping underground" - 5/13/09
i think i'm better of dead
or maybe sleeping underground
but it's all the same
just a different name
not a different game
not the kind of game i like to play with anybody other than myself
just me and my brain
and the winner goes straight to hell
i think i'm better off here
locked inside this cage
with the rusty bars
and the musty clothes
better hold your nose
don't breathe the air
it's stale and bare
clear of nutrients
clear of sanity
it's so obvious
just listen to my maddening words
i open up the window
and spit out my sympathy
to the heavenly monsters
i scream in agony
i open up my soul
two for the price of one
who's willing to buy?
who's crazy enough
better leave me alone
better leave me be
to rot on my own
i think i'm better off dead
i think i'm better off sleeping underground
where i can't be found
"all it took was a glance" - 5/20/09
why do i try to convince myself that i don't hate you
when all i feel for you right now is hatred
i think it's my right, you ripped my heart and tore it apart
and i was dumb enough to let you do it twice
fuck you for fooling me
fuck you for letting me fool myself
fuck you for not letting me say "fuck you"
i spend too much time making excuses for you
saying i understand why you don't love me anymore
but if my fuck-you's amplify your happiness
then i have no more fuck-you's for you
why do i spend all of my time defending your choices when i should be saying "fuck you"?
why do i spend all of my time belittling myself when i should be saying "fuck you"?
why do i spend all of my time crying for what we had when i should be saying "fuck you?"
why do i spend all of my time wasting my thoughts on you?
all it took was a glance for me to fall in love
all it took was a glance to blindfold me
all it took was a glance to tear the blindfold from my eyes
all it took was a glance to make me hate you again
"the dreamer" - 5/25/09
i find myself searching for a feeling
i can't quite put into words
but i see it everywhere, breathe it in the air
it feels so familiar
i had this feeling in another life
with some kids and a beautiful wife
but when i woke i found myself broke
stranded in this life alone
i'm not going to lie to you
cause i don't know what
i'm even trying to say to you
let me think about it
i find myself searching for a feeling
i only feel in my dreams
but it's all pretend, it's all in my head
it's nothing medication can't fix
come walk with me, you're a pretty lady
prettier than the ones in my head
come talk to me, i need the sound of your voice
to prove it's not in my head
i'm not going to lie to you
cause i like you so much
i think about you always
i need to feel your touch
i dream about you nightly
cause it's all i have
i need to know if this can be
something more than a dream
is it foolish of me
to have only a dream
and let it consume me
and let it use me
i don't have this dream
this dream has me
i won't exist anymore
when the dream wakes up
i'm not going to lie to you
cause i like you so much
i think about you always
i need to feel your touch
is it foolish of me
to have only a dream
and let it consume me
and let it use me
i dream about you nightly
cause it's all i have
i need to know if this can be
something more than a dream
i don't have this dream
this dream has me
i won't exist anymore
when the dream wakes up
is it foolish of me
to have only a dream
and let it consume me
and let it use me
and let it shame me
and let it abuse me
and let it become me
and let it destroy me
and let it erase me
from existing as anything more than a dream
"sheep and wolves" - 5/29/09
watch your back, dear
this world is filled with many wolves
dressed in sheeps clothing
waiting for you
to lower your guard in a moment
of lustful weakness
and i fear you're not alone
watch my back, dear
i'm just a sheep in wolves clothing
trying to survive
and this innocence
will be the death of both of us
when we let down our guards
and i fear we're not alone
we're lambs sent out for slaughter
our hearts beat more than necessary
we're lambs offered up for sacrifice
whos' gonna rescue us from out own demise?
watch you're back, dear
there's only so much protection i can offer
watch my back, dear
i'm sitting naked, powerless against my own kind
and i fear we're all alone
"i'm so nervous" - 6/1/09
i'm so nervous i can't sleep
i listen to my heart and its every beat
a million miles doesn't seem so far to flee
i hear words of encouragement
from those rational people i call my friends
convincing me there's no reason to flee
i'm so nervous i need a drink
i drive myself insane when i start to think
about the dangers of the great unknown
i'm so dumb for feeling this way
jumping to conclusions before i even get to say
"hi, how are you?"
what if she likes me?
what if she doesn't like me?
i hope she likes me
fuck, i feel like i'm back in junior high
what if she likes me?
what if she doesn't like me?
i hope she likes me
fuck, i'm gonna give myself a heart attack
what's wrong with me?
i'm not insane
i'm just not so good at playing this game
"pure and full of sin" - 6/5/09
god looked down on me today
through thundering clouds and rain
she said,
"i have a wonderful secret to tell
"you're going straight to hell
"but it's all about the ride
"i'll make it comfortable
"i'll make you forget your destination"
and amidst all of this shit
she handed me a gift
and that gift was you
you look like an angel
or a deadly siren
you've come to lure me away
with your beautiful eyes
and hypnotizing words
i'll do whatever you say
god looked down on me today
through thundering clouds and rain
she said,
"i have a wonderful secret to tell
"you're going straight to hell
but it's all about the ride
it'll be so comfortable
i'll forget my destination
cause amidst all of this shit
i've been handed a gift
the beautiful gift of you
you can be my angel
pure and full of sin
fly me to the afterlife
pure and full of sin
touch and kiss my soul
pure and full of sin
let's do this together
pure and full of sin
i can be your servant
pure and full of sin
living through eternity
pure and full of sin
we're going straight to hell
pure and full of sin
let's do this together
pure and full of sin
