while it may not seem like it, i have been making or playing music in some shape or form since around the age of 10. i started on a toys-r-us electronic drum kit and quickly moved over to the guitar when i realized a friend of mine could play the drums much better than me.
guitar (and bass guitar) has been my main instrument over the years. i learned by watching nirvana videos on mtv and listening to metallica albums. i've been influenced by so many different styles over the years, ultimately falling back on simple emo rock riffs. i never learned theory or proper playing techniques (though, i appreciate the hell out of them) but music is the biggest part of who i am so i enjoy doing it the way i do.
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the following is a site map of music in case you are using internet explorer and the drop-down menu doesn't work
and here we are. i guess i don't have much to say about these songs yet other than that they are love songs, hate songs, general feelings about life songs. i find myself writing more often these days, so i will share them as they come.
"in the flesh" - 1/08/09
get undressed it's what i'm really here for i want to see you in the flesh i want to see more than the pretty dress you wear so well i want to touch your body i want to taste your smell
talk philisophy talk politics talk literature talk about your best friend's wedding but then talk dirty to me
undress me it's what you're really here for you want to see me in the flesh you want to see more than the silly shirt i don't wear so well you want to touch my body you want to taste my smell
"phrases" - 1/26/09
staying awake just to feel the pain stay in pain just to feel awake
what do i care if you're not in my life?
immerse yourself in an alternate reality that just makes sense
what do i care if you're not in my life? what do i care if you're not in my life?
the transfer of energy from one being to another
barcodes misrepresent the products that we've become
what do i care if you're not in my life?
it's hard to believe anybody cares when i don't even care myself
what do i care if you're not in my life? what do i care if you're not in my life?
when i'm alone i wish i'd have a crowd when i'm in a crowd i wish i'd be alone
never satisfied
"i am you" - 3/22/09
he wakes to the sound of his heart beating rapidly, the byproduct of unwanted dreams
the start of another day filled with confusion, not knowing what anything means
and this life, she made for him
he looks into his eyes in the mirror and mutters these words to remind himself she doesn't have control
i am you
she wakes to the sound of her children's yearning for their minimal daily affection
she now has all the time she needs to act upon shelfishness necessary for leisure and fun
and this life, she made for herself
she looks into her eyes in the mirror and mutters these words to remind herself she now has control
i am you
"take me out" - 4/11/09
take me out, she said make me feel like the woman i deserve to feel like for all the months of hard work and sacrifices i have made all the love that i gave you when you were beaten down by the wife who loves you not
take me out give me something to believe in make me feel like this is real not just the work of sinful heathens we'll kneel down and pray to gods that we don't really believe in cause it makes us feel much better
take me out, she said make me feel like i am more to you than just a one night stand than just a ragdoll of convenience he looked at her a smiled coldly said "baby, you're just my backup plan that's all you'll ever be and that's good enough for me"
i won't take you out this is nothing to believe in this isn't love, this isn't real it's just the work of sinful heathens i'll kneel down and pray to gods that i don't really believe in cause it helps me sleep much better
"light another" - 4/13/09
morning tremors in my heart not a good way to start the day
light another cigarette take a deep breath pray for calm
i don't miss you anymore i lie to myself and keep moving on
light another cigarette take a deep breath pray for death
scream out the pain wring out my brain
scream out my brain wring out the pain
"sleeping underground" - 5/13/09
i think i'm better of dead or maybe sleeping underground but it's all the same just a different name not a different game not the kind of game i like to play with anybody other than myself just me and my brain and the winner goes straight to hell
i think i'm better off here locked inside this cage with the rusty bars and the musty clothes better hold your nose don't breathe the air it's stale and bare clear of nutrients clear of sanity it's so obvious just listen to my maddening words
i open up the window and spit out my sympathy to the heavenly monsters i scream in agony
i open up my soul two for the price of one who's willing to buy? who's crazy enough
better leave me alone better leave me be to rot on my own i think i'm better off dead i think i'm better off sleeping underground where i can't be found
"all it took was a glance" - 5/20/09
why do i try to convince myself that i don't hate you when all i feel for you right now is hatred i think it's my right, you ripped my heart and tore it apart and i was dumb enough to let you do it twice
fuck you for fooling me fuck you for letting me fool myself fuck you for not letting me say "fuck you"
i spend too much time making excuses for you saying i understand why you don't love me anymore but if my fuck-you's amplify your happiness then i have no more fuck-you's for you
why do i spend all of my time defending your choices when i should be saying "fuck you"? why do i spend all of my time belittling myself when i should be saying "fuck you"? why do i spend all of my time crying for what we had when i should be saying "fuck you?" why do i spend all of my time wasting my thoughts on you?
all it took was a glance for me to fall in love all it took was a glance to blindfold me all it took was a glance to tear the blindfold from my eyes all it took was a glance to make me hate you again
"the dreamer" - 5/25/09
i find myself searching for a feeling i can't quite put into words but i see it everywhere, breathe it in the air it feels so familiar i had this feeling in another life with some kids and a beautiful wife but when i woke i found myself broke stranded in this life alone
i'm not going to lie to you cause i don't know what i'm even trying to say to you let me think about it
i find myself searching for a feeling i only feel in my dreams but it's all pretend, it's all in my head it's nothing medication can't fix come walk with me, you're a pretty lady prettier than the ones in my head come talk to me, i need the sound of your voice to prove it's not in my head
i'm not going to lie to you cause i like you so much i think about you always i need to feel your touch i dream about you nightly cause it's all i have i need to know if this can be something more than a dream
is it foolish of me to have only a dream and let it consume me and let it use me i don't have this dream this dream has me i won't exist anymore when the dream wakes up
i'm not going to lie to you cause i like you so much i think about you always i need to feel your touch is it foolish of me to have only a dream and let it consume me and let it use me
i dream about you nightly cause it's all i have i need to know if this can be something more than a dream i don't have this dream this dream has me i won't exist anymore when the dream wakes up is it foolish of me to have only a dream and let it consume me and let it use me and let it shame me and let it abuse me and let it become me and let it destroy me and let it erase me from existing as anything more than a dream
"sheep and wolves" - 5/29/09
watch your back, dear this world is filled with many wolves dressed in sheeps clothing waiting for you to lower your guard in a moment of lustful weakness
and i fear you're not alone
watch my back, dear i'm just a sheep in wolves clothing trying to survive and this innocence will be the death of both of us when we let down our guards
and i fear we're not alone
we're lambs sent out for slaughter our hearts beat more than necessary we're lambs offered up for sacrifice whos' gonna rescue us from out own demise?
watch you're back, dear there's only so much protection i can offer watch my back, dear i'm sitting naked, powerless against my own kind
and i fear we're all alone
"i'm so nervous" - 6/1/09
i'm so nervous i can't sleep i listen to my heart and its every beat a million miles doesn't seem so far to flee
i hear words of encouragement from those rational people i call my friends convincing me there's no reason to flee
i'm so nervous i need a drink i drive myself insane when i start to think about the dangers of the great unknown
i'm so dumb for feeling this way jumping to conclusions before i even get to say "hi, how are you?"
what if she likes me? what if she doesn't like me? i hope she likes me fuck, i feel like i'm back in junior high what if she likes me? what if she doesn't like me? i hope she likes me fuck, i'm gonna give myself a heart attack
what's wrong with me? i'm not insane i'm just not so good at playing this game
"pure and full of sin" - 6/5/09
god looked down on me today through thundering clouds and rain
she said, "i have a wonderful secret to tell "you're going straight to hell
"but it's all about the ride "i'll make it comfortable "i'll make you forget your destination"
and amidst all of this shit she handed me a gift and that gift was you
you look like an angel or a deadly siren you've come to lure me away with your beautiful eyes and hypnotizing words i'll do whatever you say
god looked down on me today through thundering clouds and rain
she said, "i have a wonderful secret to tell "you're going straight to hell
but it's all about the ride it'll be so comfortable i'll forget my destination cause amidst all of this shit i've been handed a gift the beautiful gift of you
you can be my angel pure and full of sin fly me to the afterlife pure and full of sin touch and kiss my soul pure and full of sin let's do this together pure and full of sin
i can be your servant pure and full of sin living through eternity pure and full of sin we're going straight to hell pure and full of sin let's do this together pure and full of sin
2008 was a year of rebuilding. in addition to re-recording songs and working on organizing albums, i experimented a little. "(driving in) l.a. (bizarro mix)" was a test in combining analog and digital recording techniques. and, because i love them oh so much, i did another cover of a nofx song, this time with a ukulele and bongos.
“(driving in) l.a” – 7/26/02 (bizarro mix)
driving, driving, driving, driving, driving in la is making, making, making, making, making me crazy i wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna kill someone gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme a shotgun
i feel so excluded by this crack cocaine environment plastic mind and plastic eyes make for a lovely disguise hold your breath and make a wish, capitalistic selfishness down rodeo, up sunset, i didn’t say start breathing yet
i believe air pollution is slowly driving me insane stupidity—quick solution—to feel like part of the game
sometimes i close my eyes and feel like floating down but then i realize my feet are still on the ground
“leave it alone” (nofx cover, ukulele mix)
breathe ever so soft we wouldn't wanna break the eggs as we walk never alone cautious afraid i hear the voice of reason on the p.a.
leave it alone follow the grain we couldn't stop the irresistable force leave it the same change with the leaves bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the old leave it alone
breathe ever so slight we couldn't take away your god given right leave it alone, heel and stay roll over and shake and beg for the bone leave it alone
"theoretical socialism" is a couple of singles related by political themes. "advantage: none" was written during the "...beautiful way" era, so i wrote a sister song for it, one that actually became a personal favorite.
“advantage: none” - 3/19/03
words are sent binary through zeros and ones words so harsh a feud entails advantage: none communication lines disrupted pre-activation two sides fight a war unknown advantage: none
lack of support apparently means nothing a faulty system built on lies and hypocrisy a world filled with conflict shaped by ignorance resolution nowhere in sight because of stupidity
it is my opinion that there should be no war but as long we have the leaders we have there will be no less egos swell because they believe in their own ways fuck unity, fuck you and me it’s a big fucking mess it is my opinion that we should take them all to an island and let them fight their own war it is my opinion that neither side is right or wrong
but it doesn’t really matter what i think the true victor is the one with the biggest gun and since they all collect their grand arsenals who has the upper hand? advantage: none
"i blame society" - 8/15/05(?)
lyrics document can't be located. i will post them as soon as i find them.
2008 was a rebuilding year. "what a beautiful way" is my third album, an album that evolved for many years. many of the songs originally intended for the album were written in 2002 and 2003, some of them ultimately not making the cut. the ones from that era that were actually recorded are the ones i liked best. with the vacant space, i recorded some other favorites that were previously recorded, mainly because i wanted cleaner, more professional versions. (while my recording techniques are far from perfect, they are much better than they used to be.) in addition, i completed the album with a couple newer songs. ultimately, the album is a good representation of 5+ years of music.
“i, robot” – 2/4/03
a hand fumbles in the dark it finds its destination the power switch is flick on the power of a robot nation everyday the same routine on at 8, off at 5 repeated tasks reward unseen
is this what its like to be alive?
assembly men work assembly lines while money men laugh and play gears and arms work in time this has always been the way but something doesn’t feel quite right and though i may be lobotomized strange electric impulses
tell me we’re all roboticized is this what its like to be alive?
i, robot (i feel out of place) i, robot (controller of my fate) i, robot (no longer can i wait) i am not a robot
i pull the wires out of my head its refreshing to think clear no more remnants of a cloudy mind no more thoughts of slavery and fear the domino effect begins with one i’m already at the starting line the time has come for liberty
i’ll show you what its like to be alive cause this isn’t what its like to be alive is this what its like to be alive? this isn’t what its like to be alive
i, robot (theres more to life than this) i, robot (i think i’ll take the risk) i, robot (they’ll try to shut me down) but i am not a robot i am not a robot (don’t let them do the same to you) i am not a robot (break free and do what you need to) i am not a robot (free yourself from tyranny) i am not a robot (our robot nation at last is free)
“(driving in) l.a” – 7/26/02
driving, driving, driving, driving, driving in la is making, making, making, making, making me crazy i wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna kill someone gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme a shotgun
i feel so excluded by this crack cocaine environment plastic mind and plastic eyes make for a lovely disguise hold your breath and make a wish, capitalistic selfishness down rodeo, up sunset, i didn’t say start breathing yet
i believe air pollution is slowly driving me insane stupidity—quick solution—to feel like part of the game
sometimes i close my eyes and feel like floating down but then i realize my feet are still on the ground
“highway 1 (and the caribbean afterlife)” – 1/6/03
i inhale and take the smoke into my lungs hands on 1 and 7, eyes forward the sun goes down over the horizon euphoria kicks in as i travel onward
my foot goes down on the accelerator the needle shows 120 plus the metal molds are quickly shredded away as i sail off the cliff into the deep abyss
the wind upon my face the tearing in my eyes i’m falling faster now no more time for lies the sorrow that she’ll feel knowing that i’m free knowing that she killed me
“i miss you forever” – 12/20/03
i’m quoting you a poem you wrote for me what seems like long ago it has so much meaning now
you were the air i breathe you were the food i eat and now we’re on a break it’s so hard to take
it’s burning a whole deep within my soul i don’t know how it affects you but i hope it’s just as painful it’s only been a few days a few days of misery
i long for you i hope to see you soon it’s only been a few days but it feels like forever
and so i miss you forever
“last call” – 11/7/08
when the hour hits 2 i'm gonna sell it to you i want you to know what it feels like when the hour hits 3 to be a desperate lonely me i want you to know how bad it feels
pop goes the sound of my futile attempt to feel alive and it feels so good as it travels down keeping me warm keeping my false hopes alive
when the hour hits 3 i'm gonna keep it for me i want you to know what it feels like when the hour hits 4 and i'm laying on the floor eyes wide shut in contemplation
pop goes the sound of another futile attempt to feel alive and it feels so good as it travels down filling my broken heart killing my broken heart one drink at a time
when the hour hits 4 and i'm desperate, wanting more i want you to know what it feels like when the hour turns 5 and there are tears in my eyes i want you to know how sad it feels
when the hour hits 5 i hope i'm not alive i want you to know what it feels like to be buried in my grave such a desperate lonely place wishing i didn't get so fucking drunk
“frustration” – 11/4/08
the words you speak you rarely mean the actions you take do nothing to make me feel better about this abandonment about losing you it's what you needed to do
you needed to walk away so you walked away you gave up on me and walked away you promised me you'd never give up on me but you walked away don't walk away
i don't believe in miracles any more than i believe in god or being happy but i believe in touching myself when i'm feeling unhappy
you blew me a kiss your final kiss it flew right past me along with everything we ever had now it means nothing i try to hang on tightly to what is now just a memory
because you walked away you walked away you gave up on me and walked away you promised me you'd never give up on me but you walked away come back to me
i don't believe in miracles any more than i believe in god or being happy but i believe in touching myself when i'm feeling unhappy
the frustration runs so deep into my soul it breaks my heart into another thousand pieces "you're my favorite, and will always be" it makes me sad when you say this to me because i know it isn't so you're better off without this frustration
i don't believe in miracles any more than i believe in god or being happy but i believe in touching myself when i'm feeling unhappy
you walked away you gave up on me and walked away
“the anniversary” – 4/25/03
he takes a breath and holds it in he lets out the sigh of relief the neatly wrapped box tied with a bow trembles with his shaking hands a moment of silence and solitude as he slowly opens the door an imaginary rose withers away and dies on an imaginary floor
we gaze into the desperate eyes now swelling with disappointment step back and see the complete scene
time moves so slow though reality speeds up his one true love caught in the act nothing she can say
we gaze into the desperate eyes now swollen with disappointment step back and see the complete scene
“what is this i feel?” he asks himself “what is this i have done?” step back and see the complete scene his hands trembling now with rage, now with fear step back and see the complete scene life strewn all over the floor the withered rose now drowning in what once sustained the cheating and lies
step back and see the complete scene this is the beginning of the end this is the end of the beginning this is the anniversary
“the day after the last” – 5/5/03
the mirror reflects a boy starting a brand new day there’s a hint of desolation in his eyes the mirror cracks as he puts his head into it blood dries on his cheek he cries and the tears loosen the blood the boy recomposes and steps out the door
into an ugly world where mechanics rule and the skies are filled with deadly gas such a lovely world created by us this is the day after the last
the boy moves silently, uncompromisingly he follows a line of others just like him they move towards unwanted destinations mechanical beast moving and stopping, moving and stopping in time the boy just keeps on moving it wasn’t his choice to be born
into an ugly world where mechanics rule and the skies are filled with deadly gas such a lovely world created by us this is the day after the last
the boy wakes in the night wishing it was all a dream but he realizes differently
it will always go on the same like a clock that keeps on ticking keeping a rhythm, keeping in time how boring
until one atypical day when the heart decides to finally stop and we all realize that we’ve wasted our lives no hope for a future cause we forgot about the past we live everyday like it’s the day after the last
2007 was a year of a lot of music... but most of it never got recorded. i bought a loop pedal so i recorded lots of repetitive bits but didn't do anything with most of them. "...and furthermore" is another love song i actually recorded. "falling in love" is a cover of one of my favorite nofx songs. it was intended to be used for an animated short.
lyric documents can't be located right now. i'll get back to this...
2006 was another slim year musically, at least on the recording front. i began working on a concept album entitled "the de-evolution." the album was intended to be a collection of songs, i.e. one long song. unfortunately, i wrote about 10 or so songs and realized, based on the content i was writing about, the scope of the project was going to become much bigger than i intended. to date, the 10 songs have been recorded on 4-track, "the single cell..." being the only one i did a full recording of. other than this, i started experimenting a bit and recorded one of my personal favorite songs, which never received a real title so was left at "041606 2" (Apr 16 2006 was a productive day.) lastly, an acoustic cover of the bloc party song "this modern love." it was recorded as a present and somehow, i even sang it with a weird faux hybrid english accent.
“the single cell opens its eyes” - 11/12/03 (third part in the “de-evolution” concept album)
a single cell in the presences of a billion other single cells insignificant
but one day the single cell swam away insignificant and foolish
breaking away from the tradition of inactivity... heresy punishable by a new point of view
what did the single cell do? the single cell swam away and became its own being
it began seeing the world in a different way it began seeing for the very first time
eventually, the single cell saw everything a single cell could possibly see and it came to a dead end it came to the end of its world
and still it swam away
and the single cell grew eyes and legs and walked through its boundary upon the shores of a brand new world
“this modern love” – 2/1/06 (bloc party cover –featuring faux english accent!)
to be lost in the forest to be cut adrift you've been trying to reach me you bought me a book to be lost in the forest to be cut adrift i've been paid i've been paid
don't get offended if i seem absent minded just keep telling me facts and keep making me smile don't get offended if i seem absent minded i get tongue-tied baby, you've got to be more discerning i've known never known what's good for me i will be yours
i'll pay for you anytime
you told me you wanted to eat up my sadness well jump on, enjoy, you can gorge away you told me you wanted to eat up my sadness jump right on baby, you've got to be more discerning i've known never known what's good for me baby, you've got to be more demanding i will be yours
what are you holding out for? what's always in the way? why so damn absent-minded? why so scared of romance?
this modern love breaks me this modern love wastes me
do you wanna come over and kill some time? tell me facts, tell me facts, tell me facts tell me facts throw your arms around me
goodbye astronaut i hope you have a good time floating in space goodbye astronaut i hope to see you in my lonely dreams ------
ii - so long, thanks for nothing/something
bleeding my heart and soul, but to what end? humanity shits in my face, a lovely trend i gouge out my broken mind in hopes to send a final goodbye, heartfelt thank you, to all my friends
and somehow you know all the pain that drives me so you breathe the same air and know all the same things i know foolish and stubborn, you'd go anywhere i'd go you'd focus your hundred percent on all things i would show
it’s the end of the world and i can’t breathe exhaustion is clouding my mind and i can’t see life has given up hope and set me free and all of this time you were standing right next to me ------
iii - return
she gives him everything she is he gives her everything he is she lives in everything he is he lives in everything she is
she gives him everything she is he gives her everything he is she loves all of the things he is he loves all of the things she is you'll be alright, kid we'll be alright
hello astronaut did you have a good time floating in space? hello astronaut i had many dreams about your beautiful face
"i, robot" is the song that is most representative of my ideals, both personally and musically. "i robot #2" was a follow-up, specifically written for a short animated film. the lyrics were ultimately dropped for all versions of the song.
“i, robot” – 2/4/03(?) **personal favorite**
a hand fumbles in the dark it finds its destination the power switch is flick on the power of a robot nation everyday the same routine on at 8, off at 5 repeated tasks reward unseen
is this what its like to be alive?
assembly men work assembly lines while money men laugh and play gears and arms work in time this has always been the way but something doesn’t feel quite right and though i may be lobotomized strange electric impulses
tell me we’re all roboticized is this what its like to be alive?
i, robot (i feel out of place) i, robot (controller of my fate) i, robot (no longer can i wait) i am not a robot
i pull the wires out of my head its refreshing to think clear no more remnants of a cloudy mind no more thoughts of slavery and fear the domino effect begins with one i’m already at the starting line the time has come for liberty
i’ll show you what its like to be alive cause this isn’t what its like to be alive is this what its like to be alive? this isn’t what its like to be alive
i, robot (there’s more to life than this) i, robot (i think i’ll take the risk) i, robot (they’ll try to shut me down)
but i am not a robot
i am not a robot (don’t let them do the same to you) i am not a robot (break free and do what you need to) i am not a robot (free yourself from tyranny) i am not a robot (our robot nation at last is free)
“i, robot #2” - 2/27/03 **personal favorite**
the hour hand strikes 8 am the power switch is flicked on once again a once immobile gear begins to turn a once imaginary fire begins to burn silence becomes metal rubbing metal workers marching in soon become settled down
into conformity following matching lines doing the usual filling the pieces of a most imperfect design
but this is the way it has been and always will be
a lonely glimmer of hope shines through a wire soldered slightly askew an error on the part of precision a thousand more mistakes evolve from one robot looks away from straight-head everything around him appears dead gears and arms working all in time a breath of life a punishable crime
slowly robot is advanced toward a destination unknown this just cannot be right a life that isn’t his own if no one else does a thing to set out on their own path the slave-drivers flicking the switches will never know the true meaning of wrath
but just one error named robot can soon start a chain reaction ignorance replaced by intelligence the imperfect plan will soon come undone
so robot steps to the side and watches the lines move along he surpassed all expectation and did what they believed to be wrong
robot discovered a world beyond the set boundaries a world where many already reside waiting for other mistakes to step out of line and learn to do as they please
"the 'i robot' demos" is my first collection of recorded songs. these recordings are very lo-fi -- recorded with a Tascam analog 4-track -- and many of the songs were only recorded acoustically instead of how they were intended to be.
“so in love” – 12/30/01 (acoustic version)
the door opened at four a.m. she opened her eyes wide awake her boyfriend came stumbling in drunk and looking for something to break she tried to get up he pushed her down he threw a closed fist across her face she slowly fell back and hit the ground
now she’s falling in darkness forever into unconsciousness
she opened her eyes at two p.m. her head pounding her face in pain she knew it would happen again it’s the only thing she thinks that keeps her sane she goes on with life not a single day goes by that she doesn’t crumble up into a ball and let the tears flow out of her eyes
they’re falling down her cheek through her heart she’s happy because
she’s so in love all her friends think she’s lost her mind she’s so in love she thinks her boyfriend is the perfect find she’s so in love nothing really matters anymore she’s so in love
even if it makes her fucking sad even if it makes her fucking mad
“i, robot” – 2/4/03(?) (acoustic version)
a hand fumbles in the dark it finds its destination the power switch is flick on the power of a robot nation everyday the same routine on at 8, off at 5 repeated tasks reward unseen
is this what its like to be alive?
assembly men work assembly lines while money men laugh and play gears and arms work in time this has always been the way but something doesn’t feel quite right and though i may be lobotomized strange electric impulses
tell me we’re all roboticized is this what its like to be alive?
i, robot (i feel out of place) i, robot (controller of my fate) i, robot (no longer can i wait) i am not a robot
i pull the wires out of my head its refreshing to think clear no more remnants of a cloudy mind no more thoughts of slavery and fear the domino effect begins with one i’m already at the starting line the time has come for liberty
i’ll show you what its like to be alive cause this isn’t what its like to be alive is this what its like to be alive? this isn’t what its like to be alive
i, robot (there’s more to life than this) i, robot (i think i’ll take the risk) i, robot (they’ll try to shut me down)
but i am not a robot
i am not a robot (don’t let them do the same to you) i am not a robot (break free and do what you need to) i am not a robot (free yourself from tyranny) i am not a robot (our robot nation at last is free)
“flaming hemorrhoid” – 6/4/02
today i received a message from outer space today i received a message from outer space
the aliens are coming to kill me the aliens are coming to kill me the aliens are coming to kill me the aliens are coming to kill me
today i received a present from outer space today i received a present from outer space
the aliens gave to me a flaming hemorrhoid the aliens gave to me a flaming hemorrhoid the aliens gave to me a flaming hemorrhoid the aliens gave to me a flaming hemorrhoid
“the big oh” – 8/9/02 (for some reason, i don't have the recording of this. but here are the lyrics anyway.)
i pressed your button and your love came down on me like napalm
the burn the heat the passion the pain the joy the sorrow pouring down like rain
i pressed your button and your love exploded like a time bomb
the burn the heat the passion the pain the joy the sorrow pouring down like rain
you stare at me with eyes that helplessly pull me to you and all i can do is make love to you you stare at me with eyes that beg me to go down how could i resist the temptation the sensation the frustration
“highway 1” – 1/6/03 ("...and the caribbean afterlife" is an instrumental continuation that didn't get recorded for this version of the song.)
i inhale and take the smoke into my lungs hands on 1 and 7, eyes forward the sun goes down over the horizon euphoria kicks in as i travel onward
my foot goes down on the accelerator the needle shows 120 plus the metal molds are quickly shredded away as i sail off the cliff into the deep abyss
the wind upon my face the tearing in my eyes i’m falling faster now no more time for lies the sorrow that she’ll feel knowing that i’m free knowing that she killed me
“short story of a boy written in first-person point of view (a.k.a. typical)” – 11/1/02 (acoustic version)
i went for a walk the other night it was a starry night the day was gray and rainy i was lonely typical
somewhere a dog barked and underneath a cricket played its tune a simple melody written just for me
the sky was filled with millions of dreams and thoughts of hope atypical for some strange reason the la orange glow had disappeared
it put a smile on my face to be there right that moment in that particular place
pain for just a moment
i look down upon my smiling face the smile quickly fades i watch the car quickly speed away
finally a moment of happiness and look what happens it’s taken away
typical
“unopened valentine” – 11/1/02
we’re all the same living our lives playing the game of hypocrites breathing in air treasure like gold expelling waste fungus and mold
i’m on my way down an open road hear what i say the path that i choose when i meet the fork is destiny’s way
opened valentine you never opened mine my so-called valentine
disappointment seems reassured i’m here once again another fucked up year
the world turns 360 degrees no matter who wants to disagree bombs dropping on desolate towns bursting the heart claiming the frown
nations promise peace promises they keep only for a moment hear what i say my heart has burst my life is spent
“plexiglas heart” – 10/16/02
i remember i lie i don’t remember much and with such a lack of consciousness i don’t feel fit to talk to you i remember i lie i don’t remember you or anything you do or say it doesn’t matter anyway
i remember i lie i don’t remember but i’ll try there’s a tear coming from your eye was it i who made you cry? i remember i lie i don’t remember you do you remember me? it doesn’t matter anyway
it doesn’t matter anyway it doesn’t matter anyway
wipe the smudge off my plexiglas heart it wasn’t there before, i don’t remember you alcohol can rub away the burning pain for what its worth i’m sorry for what i did to you
“permanent deletion” – 1/6/03
i feel the heat of the constant eyes focusing their attention toward my general direction
sometime, someday, one day soon they’re gonna strip you of your dignity and you’ll be dancing to a lonely tune
permanent deletion from the system control shift alt delete permanent deletion from the system
unsuspecting victim waiting in a world of conspiracy the lies they cannot see
one day, one time, not long ago they stripped me of my dignity and on i must go
permanent deletion from the system control shift alt delete permanent deletion from the system
“inebriate me” – 1/6/03
5 cent redemption for one heartbreak worth of consumption how many heartaches in an hour? i don’t know broken shards of glass intact, blood flows from inebriate acts how many heartaches in an hour? i don’t know
laughter becomes denial becomes hate thinning blood reinforces fate she left me to drown in self pity, misery blacking out reinforces fate
you were so fucking great a fucking mistake i fucking hate you
“ninja monkey” – 1/27/03
midnight moonlight rustling of leaves bright eyes, highlight we can’t see what it sees
daylight sunlight from branch a to branch b cage concealment we can’t see what it sees
come on down take a photograph gather ‘round lets all laugh
forget about the tears that swell inside the lonely eyes forget about the heartbreaking sound it makes when it cries
but one day you’ll get yours retribution has never smelled so sweet and we’ll all be trampled underneath their feet
ninja monkey throws its shit at you what would you do what will you do when it comes to destroy you
"for a girl" is my second album, a collection of emo songs written during and after a relationship. for these songs, i started using ACID 2.0 to create the drum tracks, which made completing songs a much easier and tighter process. the album was mixed by Andrew Gau Laben.
“love #2” - 8/19/03
an empty road stands in front of me precarious as usual my eyes scan the horizon visual capacity is full
waves of heat pass over unwanted highway lines indecision, i don’t know which way to go give me a sign
and there you appeared standing in innocence right in front of me and you held my hand guiding me in a valuable direction
a once empty road lies behind me slipping from my memory all attention focused on my rescuer you saved me from myself, you saved me from everything
waves of heat pass over us and quickly we melt into one a union unforeseeable, unpredictable
so perfect
and there you appear standing in innocence right in front of me and you hold my hand and i willingly will follow
wherever you may go wherever you may guide me and you may never know the love i have inside me but the empty roads ahead and vast empty horizon don’t seem so empty now because of you
“i look at you” - 10/25/03
i look at you because i can’t resist i look at you because i can’t look away i look at you because you’re everything i look at you and i want to stay
…here with you, forever with you, forever with you, forever with you, for eternity!
i look at you and it makes me smile i look at you and it makes me happy i look at you and it makes me melt i look at you and it makes me want to be
…here with you, forever with you, forever with you, forever with you, for eternity!
you’re perfections are so imperfect you’re imperfections are so perfect i look at you because i want to i look at you because i want you forever
“i miss you forever” – 12/20/03 **personal favorite**
i’m quoting you a poem you wrote for me what seems like long ago it has so much meaning now
you were the air i breathe you were the food i eat and now we’re on a break it’s so hard to take
it’s burning a whole deep within my soul i don’t know how it affects you but i hope it’s just as painful it’s only been a few days a few days of misery
i long for you i hope to see you soon it’s only been a few days but it feels like forever
and so i miss you forever
“free at last” - 7/12/04
what happened to us? we used to be so happy but we’ve become a waste of time and energy apparently our love just isn’t good enough and so you’ve gone away this will sure be tough
i can still smell your beautiful hair i can still see the sparkle in your eyes but sparkles fade away and there’s nothing i can do maybe one day you’ll appreciate me cause i’ll always love you
i can’t breathe i can’t sleep i can’t eat but i can weep
and i know this is how it’s supposed to be i can’t love you and you can’t love me and as hard as it will be i’ve finally set you free
i can’t breathe i can’t sleep i can’t eat but i can weep (but i’ve finally set you free i’ve finally set you free you’re free at last)
“fix” - 7/17/04
all i feel is pain running through my veins how do i not feel this way anymore
such and awful burn i will forever yearn to not feel this way anymore
there is only one cure so innocent and pure but its status is only temporary
i need a hit of your love to help me float above this painful world that scares me
youre floating through my veins why won’t it go away why does it have to be this way i just want my drug i just want your love and its driving me insane
“why does it hurt so much?” - 07/19/04
i don't know how to give you up it hurts so much when i try the tears burn so much when i cry burning a hole through my heart
all i ever wanted was to be good for you but sometimes things just aren't good enough the tears burn so much when i cry the pain stays no matter how hard i try
i'm so afraid to let you go afraid of losing you afraid to know that our love has really gone away no matter how much i want you to stay
why does it hurt so much? why can't it be easier? why do i hang on when nothing is for sure?
the standing ovation is complete the audience has gone away off go the lights and down fall the curtains
but still i sit waiting hoping for an encore waiting hoping for your return
why does it hurt so much?
“the perfect kiss” - 8/6/04
the sunrise shined in my eyes and when it all cleared you were standing here with arms outstretched you looked perfect your lips gleaming and you leaned to me
and smiled your perfect smile it only took a little while and we had the perfect kiss
but now the sun sets and it wets my beaten eyes i let out a sigh we’ve come so far together through sun and stormy weather but the darkness on our face says its time to leave this place
and your smile your perfect smile can be but only a memory but still you have the perfect kiss
